pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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