i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
kristin has been a bad kristin
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
