I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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