Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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