I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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