I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
