your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
