whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
