i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
