Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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