Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
