my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
