Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
