she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
