I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
