This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
