im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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