her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
