I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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