had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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