Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
