I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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