He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm too high and old for this...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
