But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
