Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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