His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
