Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
