after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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