After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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