While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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