Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
