Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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