I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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