Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
