Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
