uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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