At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
