i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
