someone threw a dead crab at me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
