singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
