I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
