just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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