my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
