I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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