i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Even my vagina gasped.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
