i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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