wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
