So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
