Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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