So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
