I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
and you fell through a lawn chair
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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