Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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